u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
