get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
