Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
