the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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