I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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