If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
