ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
