I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
