I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
