I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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