u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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