I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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