Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
