she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
