I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
