dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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