I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My vagina just recognized that song.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
not ubering you a puppy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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