have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
