My liver just broke up with me...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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