If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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