I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
