tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
