My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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