Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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