Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
