On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Alive.
So much puke
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have feelings that need drinking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
