He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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