You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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