idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
