Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
