are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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