Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
