I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
