I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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