dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
