I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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