I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
