Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
