u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
