I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
