we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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