what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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