Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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