I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
