dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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