seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
