even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
