Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
