wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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