i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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