There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
